


Tears

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Castiel and Dean: A Roommate Love Story [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 05:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: Dean, Sam, and Jess try to help Castiel deal with the aftermath of Jimmy's death.This work is part of a 30 Day OTP Challenge prompt series. The stories are inspired by a different phrase each day but the short vignettes will all tie in together and weave a larger story. Each story will be standalone (for the most part).The prompt for the day is: Karaoke Night





	Tears

Dean felt useless to help Castiel through the grief of losing his brother. Castiel had to endure weeks of physical therapy. He went to his therapy sessions, but other than that he stayed home and watched television or read. Dean helped where he could at the yoga studio. He hadn't picked up much yoga, but he could make sure accounts were paid, classes were scheduled, and the other instructors were on track.

Castiel was quiet and withdrawn. He made it through Jimmy's funeral without shedding a tear. Castiel hadn't cried since he first found out about Jimmy's death at the hospital. 

It was like Castiel was just going through the motions. Dean had to make sure that he ate and took care of himself. Castiel didn't seem like Castiel anymore. The quirky, eccentric guy that Dean had fallen for had disappeared.

Dean tried to schedule game nights at the house. Castiel didn't mind the others coming over. He would order pizza for them, and then he would quietly slip into his room.

After several weeks passed, Dean was overwhelmed by not being able to help. He and Jess were sitting at Jess' kitchen table drinking lemonade when Dean asked, "What do I do? I don't know how to make anything better for him."

Jess smiled sadly at him. "You can't until he's ready. I never saw it to this extreme, but Castiel went through this kind of dark period when Bart screwed him over. He eventually overcame it. He loves you, Dean. He just needs time."

"Do I keep having you guys over? What do I do?"

Sam joined them from the living room and said, "We just respect his right to withdraw, but we give him the opportunity to join us when he wants. Gabriel has been after him to visit a therapist to deal with the grief. I hope he does that. Amelia moving back home to Boston to be with her parents hit him hard too. I don't blame her; Naomi was making her miserable by trying to take over everything concerning the baby."

"He won't cry. He won't yell. He won't vent. He won't…" Dean trailed off.

Jess said softly, "It's put a damper on your relationship, hasn't it?"

"I'm not going to give up on him. I'll never give up on him," Dean replied earnestly. "He keeps trying to push me away, but I ignore it. I give him space and try not to take it personally. Some days it's hard."

Jess looked at Dean. "Let me take a crack at him, Dean."

Sam nodded, "Sometimes Jess gets through to him when the rest of us are hitting our head against the wall."

"I'll come over tomorrow night. You have food. I'll take care of the rest," Jess said.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Castiel was watching television the next day when Dean came back from the yoga studio with bags of groceries. Castiel limped over to help put them away. He looked quizzically at the premade hamburger patties, potato salad, and apple pie.

Dean said casually, "Sam and Jess are coming over tonight."

Castiel replied sincerely, "It will be nice to see them, although I'm not the best company, Dean. I know what I am now isn't what you signed up for."

"Cas, you're exactly what I signed up for. I know you are going through something I can't even begin to comprehend. I'll try if you talk to me."

Castiel muttered under his breath and looked away, "Don't want to bring you down."

"You never do, Sunshine."

Castiel looked out the window at Mrs. Petersen's empty bird feeders. "We should go help her fill them now that spring is almost here. I'm sorry Christmas was ruined. Not a great first Christmas for you here."

Dean felt a small sense of elation that Castiel showed interest in anything. "I'll check with Mrs. P tomorrow and see if she needs us to get birdseed or anything for her yard."

The corner of Castiel's mouth quirked up in a smile, "Thank you." He hugged Dean tentatively. 

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's forehead and hugged him gently back. Castiel hadn't initiated any contact since he returned, so he reveled in it even if was only for a moment. Castiel pulled away and said, "I'll clean up the place a little, while you make burgers."

When Sam and Jess arrived, the group sat around the kitchen table eating and making light conversation. Jess gave a meaningful look at Dean as he started to clear the table. She said, "You and Sam go set up the thing we brought. I'll help Cas with the dishes."

Sam walked out to his car with Dean and pulled out a karaoke machine. Dean's brows furrowed, "This is your great plan to cheer Cas up? Trying to make us sing?"

"Jess says it will work. I believe in Jess," Sam replied shortly.

Dean shook his head. As Sam set up the karaoke machine, Dean went to get some beers. Castiel and Jess were standing outside on the patio. Dean could hear Jess say to Castiel through an open window, "Remember how you said music and poetry let us express what can't be said in normal words."

"You were mad at Sam for breaking your potted plant. Not quite the same thing," Castiel rebutted with a trace of sass.

"You're right. It's not. But singing 'Forget You' to Sam was a mood enhancing experience. I know it's not the same, Cas. But will you try one song for me? Just one? Remember after my grandmother died, you sang that song 'My Angel' by Kellie Pickler for me. It made me feel so much better. It helped."

"Jess…"

"One song?"

Castiel sighed. "I'm trying, Jess. I really am. I just feel like I'm a dam that's about to burst."

Jess replied, "Then let it burst."

"I won't know how to stop it…" Castiel said. "If I let go, I won’t how to stop."

"You don't need to. Dean, Sam, and I will catch you if you fall."

Dean hurried guiltily into the living room to avoid eavesdropping anymore. When Castiel and Jess returned, Sam and Jess sang a version of Sonny and Cher's song, "You've Got Me, Babe." Dean poked fun at them gently for picking such a cheesy song.

Castiel glared at Dean, "It's really sweet."

Dean pretended to be chastised, "You're right, sunshine."

Sam said, "You're up next, Dean."

Dean snorted, "Plug your ears if you seriously want to hear me sing."

Castiel said dryly, "That would preclude the purpose of you singing, Dean." Jess laughed and squeezed Castiel's knee.

Dean sang "Sweet Home Alabama," faking a Southern twang. "How's that, Jess?"

"I think we need to get you vocal lessons, Dean. But a good first attempt on karaoke night," Jess smiled. 

Castiel took the microphone from Dean. He looked at three of them for a long moment. He said quietly, "You know, you're my family. I haven't been at my best…"

"We're your family, Cas. We're supposed to be with you at your highest and your lowest points because that's what families do," Sam interrupted.

"Losing Jimmy. It's like losing an arm to me. He's … always been there for me from the moment I was born. Always knew the right thing to say. I mean, Gabriel's a good brother, but it's different with a twin. I can't explain it."

"You don't need to unless you want to," Jess reassured him.

Castiel nodded. "Ok. The song is for Jimmy." Castiel sang the opening chorus to Eric Clapton's 'Tears from Heaven':

> Would you know my name  
> If I saw you in heaven?  
> Would it be the same  
> If I saw you in heaven?  
> I must be strong and carry on  
> 'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

He broke down crying while singing but tried to continue. Dean got up and put his arms around him and started to sing with him. After a moment, Sam and Jess joined them singing with their arms wrapped around them in a huddle. 

Castiel gave up on trying to sing the final chorus and buried his face sobbing in Dean's shirt. Jess and Sam both had tears rolling down their faces. For the first time, Castiel murmured the words, "I love you," in Dean's ear. He said more loudly, "I love all of you. I'm so thankful you are here."

Dean replied quietly, "There's nowhere else we'd ever want to be. You, me, Jess, and Sam. We're just better together.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are from the song Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton - [ video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqtyQuXo9zM)


End file.
